BEST GIRL-BOYFRIEND

I know your heart is breaking and you feel like you can't face the world.
Cuz another guy just dumped you and now he's off humpin' that bible-thumpin' girl.
All the pain he put you through was hard on you but it was harder on me
Girl I gotta tell you when he walked out that door I was happy that you were finally free.

Cuz while you were playin' house, gettin' laid and feelin' pretty
I was home, all alone, cryin' to my kitties! (Yeah, I've got 6 cats!)

I'm so happy he dumped you cuz now I know I got you back again
I'm so happy he broke your heart cuz now we're back together-- me and my best girl-boyfriend.

Let all the guys fantasize that you and me are gettin' it on (but they're wrong).
Look at his wingman. You have to admit that he's got a boy-girlfriend to hang out with.

Weddings and bar mitzvahs have been hell without a date
I was such a lonely skipper without my first mate. (My little buddy.)

I'm so happy he dumped you, now I have somethin' to do on the weekends.
I'm so happy he crushed your soul, so I can put it back together.
You can thank me later, that's my job as your best girl-boyfriend.

(BRIDGE)
Girl it's true you may never fuck again.
But who needs a dick when you've got me as a friend?

GUITAR SOLO INTO PRE-CHORUS SECTION:

(TALKY TALKY PART)
The other day I went to apply for a job at a fancy government office and they give me a form that said "In case of emergency notify ____. And I put your name down on the form. That's pretty fuckin' serious for someone you're not fuckin'. That's a best girl-boyfriend.

PRE-CHORUS
Stop feeling fat and miserable and pining for your ex.
Now let's go dancing, eat ice cream and not have sex!

I'm so glad he cheated on you with that whore, over and over and over again.
I'm so glad that he dumped your ass, (so I could tell you that it doesn't look fat) That's my job as your best girl-boyfriend!

My best girl-boyfriend.

Who cares that you were dumped again? Girl, I am so pumped again!

My best girl-boyfriend, my best girl-boyfriend…