We Got A Spill In Aisle 3

by 99 Cent Whore

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04:13
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(free) 02:54
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03:27

about

Mary Birdsong (Reno 911, Adventureland, Rob Zombie's Halloween 2, Killers) has wowed tv & film audiences with her comedic acting chops for years, and now she is showing her fans her lesser known but equally impressive musical roots. In what can only be described as the bastard child of Tenacious D and Dolly Parton, 99 Cent Whore is the gal you might hear singing on her break in the stock room of your local 99 cent store. Or maybe it's just blasting out of a slutty but sweet teenage girl's shitty boom box outside a 7-11 on a Tuesday night as she asks you if you can "git her some beers." Legal or not, you can't stop listening. Drawing inspiration from her musical idols (Beastie Boys, Lily Allen, Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, Tegan & Sara, Joant Jett, Loverboy, Air Supply, Pat Bena-fucking-Tar,
Little River Band, 38 Special, Journey) 99 Cent Whore's debut album shows that good comedy can be good music, and good music can be good comedy. But good musical comedy? Well, sorry. You want the showtunes section. Downstairs. In the back.

credits

released 01 September 2010

99 Cent Store*
Sweet F'in Goodness**
BGBF*
Everybody Wants to F*^@! Me*
Master Engineer*
Turkey Burger**
Night School*

*the singing by mary birdsong, the guitar-ing, piano-ing, producing, & engineering by mike ruekberg, the bass-ing by steve agee, the drumming by sam primero, & the additional percussion-ing by jimmy englund. recorded at peggy the pig studios in the valley, 2007.


** the singing by mary birdsong; the guitaring, piano-ing, producing, & engineering by greg talenfeld; the drumming by clem waldman, and the bass-ing by jeremy chatzky. recorded @ok records in nyack, 2008.

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Track Name: Night School
NIGHT SCHOOL
1, 2, 3, go. I never went to college so I lack that secret knowledge

That all the other girls got to explore there

Late night studying, while braiding each other's hair (In French braids)

All those topless tipsy pillow fights

In your best friend's funky dorm room all night long to a Go-Gos song

All those Ivy League girls got an education in

How to be a temporary lesbian

So I'm goin', goin' back to night school then I'll be just as cool

Won't you teach me how to… lick pussy!

Sweet lady, won't you learn me how to… eat beaver!

I'm eager to learn. To learn in night school. Yeah, in night school.

Night school. The night's cool. When you're in night school. Night school.

Never got to pledge sororities.

Never felt the face of my best friend between my knees

While her Boom Box played Squeeze.

Just like guys who been to prison

Know what other men are missin.'

That doesn't make you gay. If you're a bottom.

Sex for cigarettes… Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Yeah yeah.

Like those prisoners I want a higher education.

I feel the urge for some sweet matriculation!

You can be my study partner. Come on let's cram.

I'm ready for my oral exam! Yeah!

Teach me how to… munch carpet!

Sweet mama won't you learn me all about… muff-divin'!

I'm ready to dive in. Let's dive in… to night school.

Dive into night school.

Night school. The night's cool. When you're in night school.

Night school! You're in night school now!

Na na na na na na na na night school. When the sun goes down.

Na na na na na na na na night school. Continuing education rocks!

Na na na na na na na na night school. Not the day, but the night, the night school.

Na na na na na na na na night school. There's somethin' so right about learnin' @ night!

Na na na na na na na na night school. I'm not a morning person so it's perfect for me.

Na na na na na na na na night school. While you're sleepin' in your bed I'm feedin my head!

Na na na na na na na na night school. It's the only time my babysitter's free!

Na na na na na na na na night school. When the sun goes down my grades go up.
Track Name: BGBF (Best Girl-Boyfriend)
BEST GIRL-BOYFRIEND

I know your heart is breaking and you feel like you can't face the world.
Cuz another guy just dumped you and now he's off humpin' that bible-thumpin' girl.
All the pain he put you through was hard on you but it was harder on me
Girl I gotta tell you when he walked out that door I was happy that you were finally free.

Cuz while you were playin' house, gettin' laid and feelin' pretty
I was home, all alone, cryin' to my kitties! (Yeah, I've got 6 cats!)

I'm so happy he dumped you cuz now I know I got you back again
I'm so happy he broke your heart cuz now we're back together-- me and my best girl-boyfriend.

Let all the guys fantasize that you and me are gettin' it on (but they're wrong).
Look at his wingman. You have to admit that he's got a boy-girlfriend to hang out with.

Weddings and bar mitzvahs have been hell without a date
I was such a lonely skipper without my first mate. (My little buddy.)

I'm so happy he dumped you, now I have somethin' to do on the weekends.
I'm so happy he crushed your soul, so I can put it back together.
You can thank me later, that's my job as your best girl-boyfriend.

(BRIDGE)
Girl it's true you may never fuck again.
But who needs a dick when you've got me as a friend?

GUITAR SOLO INTO PRE-CHORUS SECTION:

(TALKY TALKY PART)
The other day I went to apply for a job at a fancy government office and they give me a form that said "In case of emergency notify ____. And I put your name down on the form. That's pretty fuckin' serious for someone you're not fuckin'. That's a best girl-boyfriend.

PRE-CHORUS
Stop feeling fat and miserable and pining for your ex.
Now let's go dancing, eat ice cream and not have sex!

I'm so glad he cheated on you with that whore, over and over and over again.
I'm so glad that he dumped your ass, (so I could tell you that it doesn't look fat) That's my job as your best girl-boyfriend!

My best girl-boyfriend.

Who cares that you were dumped again? Girl, I am so pumped again!

My best girl-boyfriend, my best girl-boyfriend…
Track Name: Everybody Wants to
It doesn’t matter that my songs aren’t great.

It doesn’t matter that I sometimes sing flat.

It doesn’t matter that I don’t know the difference

between a snare drum and a… a… …hi-i-igh hat!

‘Cuz… Everybody in this room wants to fuck me right

now.

Mm mm mm. Mm mm mm. Mm mm mm. Mm mm mm.

Everyone who’s on TV, they wanna fuck me right now.

Everyone including me. I wanna fuck me right now.

I’m a hot chick singer and I’ll fuck with your

mind. So much that when you fuck your wife you’ll

have to fuck her from behind.

Everybody in this room wants to fuck me right now

Mm mm mm. Mm mm mm. Mm mm mm. Mm mm mm.

Like you, sir. Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Hold on a second, whore. I'm not sure I do wanna fuck her. I don't know where you've been. And my sweet little wife is fast asleep in the next room. And to that sir, I say "Good for you!" But when you crawl under the sheets with that little lady tonight? And you give her a tussle. The same tussle you been givin' her the same exact way once every other week for goin' on... what? 8 or 9 years now? And she's wearing those granny panties of her's 'cuz she didn't get to the laundry and it's her time of the month and she says "Don't touch me down there, cuz I'm dirty! And don't do that cuz that hurts my back! And that hole's for poopin'! And you think back on this sweet conversation we're having right now, you and me? And you fantasize about what I'm wearin' which are these real cute little Daisy Duke shorts?...
well, trust me. And I mean trust me, sir. You're gonna wanna fuck me!

That’s the power of the microphone. That’s the

strength of the guitar. Wouldn’t happen if I

played the trombone. Wouldn’t happen with a sitar.

You know what I’m talkin’ about. Those ladies who sing like “ah ah ee ah ee… I wear a sheet over my head and goat is delicious! I mean nobody wants to fuck THAT, right? Right.

But! Everybody in this room wants to fuck me right now.

Hey hey yeah, fuck me right now. Ho! Fuck me right now! Thank you.
Track Name: 99¢ Store
Get some stuff to mop your floor
Get some Christmas shit to decorate your front door
Maybe get a 6 pack of Coors (pour yourself a cool tall boy)
Get a CD of The Doors
Get that video w/Meg Ryan & Val Kilmer about the Doors
Get a Door!

Come on, come on, be a big slutty broke-ass whore. Shop at the 99 Cent Store.
Come on, come on, be a big slutty broke-ass whore. Shop at the 99 Cent Store.

Get a can of pork and beans
A baseball hat that’s got the logo of your favorite football team
Get a pair of waist 48 inch jeans (you can be his sexy queen-size queen)
Get some Robitussin for your cough
Get rid of your bug-bites with a busted-up can of “Off”
Come on, get off!

Come on, come on, be a big slutty broke-ass whore. Shop at the 99 Cent Store.
Come on, come on, be a big slutty broke-ass whore. Shop at the 99 Cent Store.

Get a plastic salad bowl
Get a broke-ass one-ply toilet roll
A fridgerator magnet that you almost stole (a magnet for a guy named Noel)
And if it’s your lucky day you can find some chips and salsa with an old expiration date
You can find a date

(CHORUS)

Dolly Parton's life was like unto a bargain store and yeah that suits me too
Come inside my little bargain store
See just why they call me the...
See just why they call me the....
Feel just why they call me the...
99 cent (Hey, where ya goin' sugar?)
98 cent store.